The One That Could Have Been

In ten days I have to say goodbye to the greatest place I’ve ever been. I can’t stop thinking about the inevitable ache in my heart that is coming the second I land in Atlanta. The past two months have been some of the most wonderful, difficult, anxiety-ridden, happiest days I’ve ever had, all in one. I’ve learned to depend on God more fully and He is truly all we need to get through anything.

One morning last week on my bus ride to Fusa, I was thinking about how weird life is and how different things are from what I expected several months ago. If life was solely up to me, I wouldn’t be in Colombia right now. I would be in graduate school, getting my masters, on my way to becoming a speech pathologist. It makes me think of the episode of Friends: “The One That Could Have Been.” All of the characters imagine what life would be like if one major life event hadn’t happened to each of them. In the end, even in the alternate reality, they all end up in almost the exact same place they are in real life. I imagine my “One That Could Have Been” would star me in 2018 as a speech pathologist, hating life and looking into moving to another country. Thank the Lord He knows better and made me miserable enough + gave me enough courage to quit in January. 

Even in February, I didn’t see myself in Colombia this summer. Back in February I was celebrating my 23rd birthday and basically the happiest I’d been in months. I was constantly surrounded by friends and love and honestly just really enjoying life. But things change and I spent weeks seeking and craving God’s will, which led me to a meeting with Dustin, which led me to Colombia. Even in the months leading up to this trip, I had no idea what to expect. I knew what I didn’t want it to be — I’ve talked enough about what I don’t like about some American mission trips, and I knew I didn’t want to spend two months going against that. But aside from that, I was literally just like, welp goin to Colombia, let’s see what happens.

And what happened was I fell in love with a place and a group of people that I will never be able to forget. What happened was that I was reminded what love looks like, what serving God looks like, and what giving up your own comfort looks like. What happened was that I became so fully dependent on God’s strength, and through that He was able to use me in ways I couldn’t have imagined. In the book of Judges in the Bible is the story of Gideon, a weak, doubtful wheat thresher used by God. Gideon isn’t confident in his own abilities, but it’s in precisely his weakness that God’s strength is shown. And here, in Colombia, my own weaknesses are so, so evident. But God’s power has been even more evident the entire time.

This might be my last post before heading back to the States at the end of next week. Continue to pray for the people in Colombia and especially my students at Sueños de Vivir. They have such a special place in my heart now and all I want is for all of them to know and love Jesus. You can also be praying for my transition back into the USA as I’m already anticipating it being a rough one. I know eventually Georgia will become home again, because it always does, but right now Colombia is home and I can’t imagine anything else.



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